Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Gentleman Caller’s Non-Tacky Christmas Stocking

Knock knock knock.

Gentleman Caller.

One thing about Christmastime has always baffled me. A good many people lose all sense of taste when it comes to decorating and what is acceptable to put out around their homes. Perhaps, rather, Christmas exposes people I didn’t know had bad taste as People Who Have Bad Taste. The vulgar plastic atrocities lining the shelves of the local K-mart continue to bring us to new visual lows as a society.

The two particular items I find most loathsome are 1) Santa hats, and 2) STOCKINGS.

Now, a stocking is a must. It’s half of the Santa shakedown. I would have run around as a child with nary a pair of underwear were it not for the Christmas stocking. But let’s class it up a little, can we?

The Gentleman Caller has taken the matter into his own hands. We are making our own. Go out and find some lovely material that incorporates your home’s decor with your Christmas tree, and then watch my video. It’s a VERY easy sew. And don’t forget: the bigger the stocking, the more loot Santa leaves.

Good luck and happy holidays!

xoxo,

The Gentleman Caller

Gingerbread Coffee – the ultimate no-stress holiday hack

 

Knock knock knock.

Gentleman Caller.

You know when you are at your wits end, have scotch tape in your hair, your kids or dogs are covered in remnants of long-sneaked cookies that they pilfered while you were on the phone with customer service at Amazon? It must be Christmastime!

This little trick will give you some pep while brightening your holiday mood. Enjoy the video.

xoxo,

The Gentleman Caller

Get Ya Some Sausage Before Summer and Sage say Sayonara (video)

Knock knock knock.

Gentleman Caller.

Its the first day of fall. Officially. Who would know it given that it was 85 degrees here in the big city today. Nonetheless, my sage plants are on the wane. They are the first thing on the decline in my garden boxes. But I am not about to let that summer sage go to waste so today is SAUSAGE DAY.

I love sausage. I really love sausage. This is a really easy and satisfying sausage that can easily be thrown in the pan for a quick breakfast or dinner. I am going to step-by-step you through getting perfect patties in the freezer and then we’ll cook on another day. It’s an excellent thing to set yourself up for quickie meals with ideas like this.

What you need:

  • 2 lbs chicken breast, cubed – frozen-ish**
  • 1/4 lb bacon, cubed – frozen-ish**
  • 2 oz frozen chicken fat (schmaltz, for all my friendly Jews out there who taught me about schmaltz)**
  • 2 dozen or so leaves fresh sage
  • sprig of fresh rosemary
  • 5-10 sprigs of fresh thyme
  • 3 garlic cloves, minced
  • 2 tsp ground sage
  • 3 tsp malabar black pepper
  • 4 tsp kosher salt
  • 2 tsp onion powder
  • 2 tsp garlic powder
  • 2 tsp dried minced garlic
  • 2 tsp jalapeño salt
  • 3 tsp hickory smoke powder (optional)**

In your stand mixer with meat grinder attachment (when did I get so boughie?) start stacking meat and spices into the chamber to be ground. This is basically a layering process. Chicken, bacon, spices, repeat. Eyeball the ratios of what you’re using and try to portion it all out so it has a consistent mix of things as it all comes out the grind end. If it looks remotely suspect, take a butter knife and turn it over a few times without over mixing or condensing the loose texture.

Put your face near the sausage. What does it smell like? Something you’d want to eat? Do not taste raw sausage. Your nose will tell you if your spice ratios are right, though. I really like sage and black pepper, and if I don’t get those aromas, I add. Feel free. It’s your sausage.

I use a 1.5 oz scoop to dole out exact amounts onto a wax paper sheet. Then I spray the back of a spatula with cooking spray and flatten them to the shape I like. Super flat sausage is not for me, I appreciate some thickness.

Put your perfectly formed patties in the freezer and allow them to set up. Or eat them now! It doesn’t matter. This should yield a baker’s dozen approximately.

**Frozen-ish – the technical term for still frozen but able to be sliced through without tremendous effort. 

**You can make schamltz on your own or find it pretty easily. Don’t be intimidated. It’s just rendered chicken fat. 

**Hickory smoke powder can be procured at www.kalustyans.com or you can sub 2 tbsp liquid smoke. Hickory powder has a sweeter, more luxurious aroma than liquid smoke.