Knock knock knock.
I’ve said it once and I will say it again: before I go to the electric chair I am going to have chips and salsa. There are mornings when I wake up and have that craving and literally plan my day around getting good chips and salsa. And you know what? In New York City it takes some planning. That whole Pace picante sauce ad campaign had tremendous validity to it.
Several years ago I devised a homemade salsa recipe out of necessity and it’s damn good. I have tinkered with it, and I modify it from time to time, but right now I am presenting to you the basics.
I present to you The Gentleman Caller’s Patented Salsa!
Note: this recipe makes your hands stink and if you are careless about touching your eyes or your junk after handling jalapeños, wear some gloves.
Assemble your ingredients.
- One 32 oz can of plum tomatoes
- scant half of a large red onion
- large jalapeño pepper
- bunch of cilantro
- juice of 1 1/2 limes
- whisper of lime zest
- capful of cider vinegar
- capful of extra virgin olive oil
- 3 cloves of garlic
- a teaspoon of salt (that you will likely adjust)
- 1/3 teaspoon of sugar
Get out your blender. Rough chop your onion, jalapeño, cilantro tops and add to blender carafe. Add the lime juice and microplane a touch of zest. While the microplane is out grate the garlic into the carafe. Add the vinegar, oil, salt and sugar. If you’d prefer, you can use a teaspoon of honey instead of the sugar. Pour the tomatoes on last.
Put the lid on your blender. Pulse on low patiently to desired consistency. I like it pretty chunky but it’s delicious smooth as well.
When you reach the desired consistency, stick a spoon pretty deep in there and taste it. You will probably need to add some more salt and possibly some more sweetness, but you really can’t know till you taste. Tomatoes vary tremendously in sweetness, and sometimes the acidity of the limes and things differ. Just be patient and go a little at time.
This salsa is pretty piquant, but if you don’t like super hot food, remove the ribs and seeds from the pepper. Also, cilantro is very polarizing. If you don’t like cilantro, google another recipe. I’m kidding. You can leave it out. It won’t taste as good, but you can totally leave it out.
Careful if you take this to a party. Once your friends taste it, you will be asked to bring it constantly.
This is The Gentleman Caller signing out!